SPORTHORSE COLUMN!

TODAY SPORT HORSE GOING TO TALK ABOUT PREAKNESS STAKES AND TERRIBLE RED SOX TEAM.

FIRST OFF, HORSE WINS RACE! LISTEN GUYS THIS IS MY KIND OF EVENT. IT IS THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE. NO ONE PAY ATTENTION TO HORSE RACING OUTSIDE OF TRIPLE CROWN UNLESS THEY ARE SAD GAMBLING ADDICT. AFTER CALIFORNIA CHROME WIN KENTUCKY DERBY, I WAS LIKE “NICE JOB”. NOW HE WIN PREAKNESS STAKES! NOW EVERYONE WANT HIM AND HIS WEIRD HORSE BONER (SERIOUSLY GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH THAT IF YOU WANT TO FEEL SHAME) TO WIN BELMONT AND TRIPLE CROWN! THAT WOULD BE COOL.

MAYBE WITH ALL THAT MONEY THEY CAN GET HIM A DENTIST AMIRITE

DENTAL PLAN. CALIFORNIA CHROME NEEDS BRACES. DENTAL PLAN. CALIFORNIA CHROME NEEDS BRACES.

 

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HORSE NAMES THOUGH. ALL HORSES WHO RACE ALWAYS HAVE CRAZY NAMES. WHY NOT JIM OR JEFF OR BOB? MY GRANDPA WAS NAMED BILL. MY DAD WAS DOUG. BUT EVERYONE HAS THAT WEIRD COUSIN GETHSEMANE PORTRAIT OR HUMBLE OCTOPUS OR WHATEVER. SPORT HORSE NOT UNDERSTAND THIS. MAKES HEAD ACHE.

OK, NOW ONTO CRAPPY RED SOX TEAM. CAN’T EVEN PULL ONE DAMN WIN OUT AGAINST THE TIGERS. UGH WTF. JAKE PEAVY NOT DOING WELL THIS YEAR – HAS ALLOWED A HOME RUN IN ALL OF HIS STARTS THIS YEAR. SPORT HORSE NO DAN SHAUGHNESSY OR ANYTHING (A-NEIIGH-THING LOL) BUT THIS SEEMS.. NOT GOOD. PROBABLY HIS TERRIBLE VISION DIDN’T HELP.

ACTUAL PHOTO OF JAKE PEAVY AFTER SUNDAY'S LOSS

ACTUAL PHOTO OF JAKE PEAVY AFTER SUNDAY’S LOSS

BUT SPORT HORSE ALSO HAVE AWFUL VISION SO FEELS BAD POKING FUN AT PEAVY. THAT WHY I TYPE IN CAPS. ALSO ENGLISH SECOND LANGUAGE.

ANYWHO IS SAD RED SOX THIS BAD ALREADY WHEN THEY WON ENTIRE POINTY TROPHY LAST YEAR. STEPHEN DREW SIGNING WILL MAKE BETTER TEAM MOST LIKELY, UNLESS IT DOES NOT.

IN HOCKEY NEWS, ANYONE ELSE HAPPY RANGERS ARE WINNING SERIES VS HABS? JUST ME? SPORT HORSE LOVE SCHADENFREUDE.

OK BYE FOR NOW. AS ALWAYS U GOT QUESTIONS I GOT ANSWERS. EMAIL ASKSPORTHORSE@GMAIL.COM

05e

I DO WAT I WANT

 

 

10 thoughts on “SPORTHORSE COLUMN!

  1. WENT TO SOX GAME 1605 YESTERDAY SOX CIRCLE DRAIN BY 1625 HIGHLIGHT SAW SPORT HORSE OR HER ALBINO SISTER ON MEGASCREEN SPENT REST OF GAME SEARCHING STANDS ENDED IN FAILURE JUST LIKE SOX.

    SECOND HIGHLIGHT FOUL BALL TWO ROWS IN FRONT OF ME FOOT LONG HITS THE AISLE STEPS IS HANDED TO OWNER “WHO LOST A FOOT LONG? CHUCKLES” I WATCH HIM LONG TIME TWO MINUTES LATER AFTER HE THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD NOTICE HE ATE IT.

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  2. PEAVEY ON THE MOUND TO STOP THE BLOOD LOSS. NO JAKE, THAT’S A WATER COOLER. THE CORPSE OF THE RED SOX OVER HERE UNDER DEVIL RAY BLANKET.

    PS. MESMERIZED BY YOUR DON’T TOUCH SIGN.

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  3. PEAVEY SQUINT NOW SCARE SHIT OUT OF BATTERS. HE CANNOT SEE CATCHER ANYMORE. UPTON SIBLINGS CRY UNCLE

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