Parking: What the FUCK?
Our editorial staff here at The Clam have logged a few intricacies in the parking lots in our combined 31 years living here in town. Parking here has all too often become a contact sport. And the lots we park in play a huge part in whether we escape undented or simply needing a new rear quarter panel.
As a public service, The Clam will be striving to discover the most treacherous parking lots on our fair island. With your help we may save someone from that dreaded call to Geico.
Some of our local lots are great – they make sense, they’re spacious, people are polite. Some are horrifying, dent-attracting circles of hell. We have decided to pit lot against lot, tournament style, until we come up with the absolute worst lot in town. Help us decide the worst parking lot in town! Our first four parking lots will be up for vote today.
First Round: Second Glance vs St. Peter’s Square
Second Glance’s Pond Road location is an interesting parking lot. Eschewing the modern philosophy of “have more than one entrance and exit,” Second Glance and the assorted other businesses (Karate school?) have chosen the simple “everyone goes in and out in the same 8 foot space” method. Also, the paint lining the spaces has long vanished. The lot shrinks in random unexpected parts, making you feel like you’re viewing an M.C. Escher painting. And there’s always a Prius idling in exactly the wrong spot.
St. Peter’s Square
St. Peter’s Square is occasionally a nice, easy lot to park in. Like, on a Wednesday at 4 AM. Other times, it’s a cut-throat adventure in bitter desperation. On weekend nights, the lot looks like all cars were valet parked by a man high on Angel Dust. Cars block in other cars, park in the corridors, and generally go wherever there is a 10×5 block of brick to park on.
7/11 Maplewood Ave vs 7/11 Bass Ave
7/11 Maplewood Ave
My god, this lot. Not content to only be known as the most drug-infested spot in town, the lot is also a logistical nightmare. There’s a drive-through on one side, several spaces in the middle, and then a crapload of broken-down monster trucks and a carwash on the other. In the middle is a shuffling man on painkillers yelling at traffic. Cars back up at warp speed, not caring what’s behind them. It’s a disaster.
7/11 Bass Ave
The other, less painkiller-related 7/11 is still a logistical nightmare. “Let’s make one single line of parking that involves backing into the worst of beach traffic!” Said some asshole. As an occasional morning backshore cyclist, it’s terrifying to ride by this lot – cars are forced to back up the split-second they have an available millisecond, and they aren’t looking for you in their fear-based driving decision.