The Clam’s Tournament of Shitty Parking Lots: Day 2

If you missed yesterday’s post, we here at the Clam have come up with a tournament that pits the worst parking lots in town against each other, bracket-style, until only one crappy parking lot remains. Some are public, some are private, all are like pulling teeth. Which will win? Your vote counts in the Clam’s Tournament of Shitty Parking Lots.

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Railroad Ave Shaws vs. Tedeschi’s

Railroad Ave Shaws

This parking lot is near and dear to my heart, being located about 75 feet from my house. I consider myself lucky that I merely walk through it, which is painful enough – driving is even worse. It’s one-way, but apparently no one got the memo.  A few years ago, they re-did the whole thing and made the entrances and exits even more illogical. Now there’s a wide enough spot at the old exit where cars occasionally still try to escape, even though it’s now only for pedestrians and has a giant god-danged sign. Add in random pill dealers, fights, and commuter rail traffic, and it’s a real humdinger of a lot.

Tedeschi’s

The Tedeschi’s plaza on lower Washington is a veritable incubator for depression and/or road rage. Only one person can back out at once, and the person whose turn it is is probably fervently scratching lotto tickets while their reverse lights are on, completely blind to the world around them. It’s also occasionally a weird hangout for people with dumb stereo systems on weekend nights, and has the notoriety of being where Ray Borque’s daughter got bagged for a late-night Tuesday DUI a few years ago. Try to find a parking space when Midori is hopping, and you’ll wish you stayed home and crushed your hand in a pepper mill instead.

Dogbar Public Lot vs Pleasant and Middle Public Lot

Dogbar Public Lot

The tiny lot in front of Dogbar’s main entrance off Rogers is the type of lot where you wonder why it even bothers existing. It has like three spaces, and if you’ve made the egregious mistake to even pull into the lot, it’s so small that you have to freakin’ back up onto Rogers St, and everyone in the street will try to end you with their angry honking. Also, you’ll scrape your trailer hitch or bottom out your car trying to get in and out. Unlike the rest of the lots here, I have never actually even successfully been able to park in this lot. I give up and go to the GloHo lot, which is 50 feet away and doesn’t want to rip my oil pan from me.

Pleasant and Middle Public Lot

Why is this lot always one-way in the exact wrong direction, no matter which way you’re headed? I am pretty sure someone just changes the signs every fortnight to fuck with us.

The spaces aren’t angled, so it makes zero sense that there’s even specific ways to go, aside from reducing confusion, I guess? In this lot, you’re always left with the space directly adjacent to the 8-inch-tall granite retainers, which eventually you’ll forget about and while backing up, take a chunk out of the stupid tires you just bought last month for your stupid minivan.

And it’s a lot where you have to go over to the pay machine, put in quarters, get the stupid little piece of paper, go back to your damn car, and put the stupid piece of paper on the dashboard with the 50 other stupid pieces of paper you keep forgetting to clean up. This isn’t that bad, except that usually I have two kids who WANT TO GO TO THE YMCA RIGHT NOW COME ONNN WHY AREN’T WE GOING ALSO EVAN LOST HIS SHOE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “The Clam’s Tournament of Shitty Parking Lots: Day 2

  1. You forgot to mention that, for additional parking fun, the parking spots at pleasant and middle were spaced with smart cars and mini coopers in mind, but are mostly filled with construction vehicles from the museum renovation. And that in the winter every 3rd spot is cleared and the rest are full of cement-hard ice banks; also the sidewalk there never gets shoveled so the adventure continues as you leave the car. Ah, this lot is near and dear to me.

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  2. The Pleasant and Middle lot reminds me of Willy Wonka’s factory…nobody ever goes in, nobody ever comes out. Always the same cars there and if you’re lucky enough to see a spot, it’s usually gone by the time you make your way around the block.

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  3. From today’s GDT (http://www.gloucestertimes.com/local/x1927811351/Gloucester-Police-Fire-Shaws-lot-escapade-bring-reckless-charge):

    “A Gloucester man was issued a citation for reckless operation of a motor vehicle after police observed his alleged erratic driving Thursday afternoon.

    Bradley A. Sherman, 49, was observed driving over a sidewalk and curb near the downtown Shaw’s supermarket on Railroad Avenue at around 4:40 p.m., according to police. He then was seen speeding through the parking lot before exiting through a marked entrance.”

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  4. Everything about these descriptions and comments are super funny! Except the dogbar parking lot. That’s my favorite and should be off the list.

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